Let Me Set The Scene:
“You’ve just spent the perfect evening with your “man”. He compliments your outfit and then proceeds to enquire about your day, and lovingly holds your hand while dining in a quiet, dimmed-lit cafe; then out of the blue, he presents you with an early birthday gift. Your evening is complete back at your place as you snuggle under the sheets to “get your groove on”. With a parting kiss to your forehead, he makes a quick exit before he can reply to your question about birthday plans.
Before you know it, the day has arrived and everything is ready. Your favorite CD croons in the background as apple cider wafts through the apartment. His work schedule is relentless so you send a quick “Thinking about you” text, and then cry off from your girlfriends’ happy hour meet up without too much explanation. As the hours go by, you finally decide to call him only to hear the laughter of children in the background and a woman’s voice asking about gift advice for his mother! Surprise surprise, he hangs up and you go straight to voicemail when you anxiously call back.”
The Sad Truth
Face it, whether he’s in a committed relationship, engaged or married, he will never be yours for keeps. You are merely a distraction that not even the sexiest Victoria’s Secret ensemble can fix.
Today we have shows like Scandal (Olivia Pope), Mistresses (Dr Karen Kim) and Being Mary Jane (Mary Jane Paul) where the leading ladies become entangled in equally complicated relationships and spend their time alone during holidays and special occasions. I’m sure we all secretly or publicly know women in the exact same scenario who seem powerless to walk away.
How To Break The Cycle
Here are the top 5 challenges for women who inherently attract difficult rather than real love:
1. Façade of confidence – appearing to be in control
2. Addicted to discreet, short-term no obligations lifestyle
3. Feelings of powerlessness or afraid of ending up alone
4. Lack of a relationship exit plan and difficulty in motivating themselves to establish one
5. Self-sabotage before, during, or after the relationship
We are each a product of our own belief system and life experiences, and naturally tend to imitate our female family members. For many of us however, we ultimately learn about relationships from unhealthy environments or entertainment sources. Although a valuable lesson, this education often leaves many questions unanswered as we begin to meander our way through the journey that brings us closer to love. Simply put, we are ill-prepared and blind to the spiritual, mental and emotional energy required to build and sustain a healthy relationship.
Self-Evaluation For A Better Way
You deserve to be in a better place and moving forwards. Consider this:
1. What purpose does a complex relationship serve in your life?
2. Who was your role model for relationships and marriage?
3. What does love, sex and relationship mean to you?
4. Energy attracts like energy. What type of relationship experiences would you like to attract into your life?
You can bet that when his family events are over, he will attempt to rekindle the flame. If and when that happens, be honest and ask yourself what’s more important – having love by any means necessary, or embracing your love under a public spotlight? Just remember there is more to life than being the object of someone else’s pleasure.
Making It Happen
Don’t wait until something bad happens or get caught before you take action to make a change. People who want to lose weight do so because it will contribute to a better quality of life. It is up to you to make changes in how you view your own self-image and how to navigate to the real relationship you desire.
For women who are ready to achieve their relationship goals but may not know how to create actionable steps to achieve them or have relationship questions, you can contact Debrah at AskDebrah@Just4MyGirls.com.
Debrah Mathis, PC, ELI-MP is a highly sough-after Life, Career and Relationship coach who works with you to develop a personally effective style of leadership that positively influences and changes not only yourself, but also those with whom you work and interact, as well as your family and relationships as a whole. Visit: www.EngagetoSuccess.com