Turning Let Go into Let’s GO!

I have a secret I want to share with you.

Outside of my wife and a few close friends, I’ve kept this little secret to myself and away from others, including my parents. 

But recently, I realized what I’ve been holding-in has actually been holding me back. 

I’ve spent the past several months spinning a narrative that said I retired from my last executive position. But, the reality is, I was let go.

After 18 years, the company’s new leadership notified me, in their right, that they were “changing directions.”

I’ve had jobs from paperboy to short-order cook, to sales representative to executive leader, but this was a first. 

I was shocked and embarrassed.

What did this say about me as a business leader?

What did this mean as a provider to my family?

What were my future career possibilities?

It was fertile soil for my little annoying gremlin.

What’s a gremlin, you ask?

Some call it an inner critic and others use more biting language. Regardless of the label, gremlins plant seeds of doubt and worry in your mind that show up before and/or after big events such as presentations, interviews, career changes — and even when you asked someone to prom.   

Yes, our gremlins loved our high school years because the seeds they planted can last a lifetime.  We all have them. They get you close and whisper: You are not bold enough, not smart enough, or cool enough.  

Or, in my case, they whispered: You are not competent enough.  Our inner, self-inflicted taunts think they are protecting us from judgment. But the truth is, they limit us and keep us stuck in the status quo.

It seemed like a safe play to call it  “retirement.” Although my age and lack of independent wealth confused people in my circle, calling my dismissal a retirement was a “good enough” description. But, it wasn’t true.

During my recovery from my cycling accident, I began to understand that “good enough” was no longer good enough. To reach my potential, I had to quiet that gremlin. I knew then, as I do now, that I always have choices.  

We all have choices. We can choose to listen to our gremlins and limit our potential, or we can breakaway and believe in our unlimited potential.  

I chose to believe that I was strong enough and tough enough to handle my physical rehabilitation, get back on that bike, and race again.

And eventually, I did.

Today, I’m choosing to breakaway, again, by sharing my truth with you.

Being let go doesn’t make me less of a leader. It just makes me human.

That pivotal moment in my life became my “jump-in moment.” It helped me to leap out of my comfort zone toward the unknown. It encouraged me to trust my values and to embrace the things that make me a unique leader, coach, speaker, and consultant.

Now, I harness those qualities to continue to build my own business and to serve my clients.

It feels good to be open and transparent. I probably should call my parents now, before they read this online.

Do you have a secret you have been holding in that holds you back?

Do you want to tell your gremlin to take a hike?

Do you want more than just “good enough” at work? 

If you’ve read this far, I believe you could answer yes to every one of those questions.

I can help you. Let’s connect today.  I have a special offer for all those gremlin slayers out there that I believe will help you make your own leap forward.

Click contact to set up a time for us to chat.


In his coaching practice, Peloton Coaching & Consulting, Michael O'Brien partners with today's business leaders to help them move from functional performance to optimal performance. His aim is to change lives by enhancing leadership energy, engagement, and fulfillment, and demonstrating how these qualities can cascade throughout organizations. To Learn more about Michael and Peloton Coaching & Consulting, visit www.pelotoncc.net.

Source: www.pelotoncc.net

3 essentials for a successful workout (career workout, that is)

Last year, I made a decision to workout with a trainer.  It was a long time coming.  Let’s be honest - I’ve tried every type of workout scheme known to man and can’t seem to keep a consistent routine.  

I start out strong and then other things take priority ...

the kids, laundry, chocolate … This time was going to be different.  

I bought new sneakers, cute exercise clothes and researched trainers.  I selected one that had a great personality and seemed in tune with my personal goals.  

At the end of three months, I was a beast.  My arms looked like something out of one of those superhero movies, my legs were defined and I could do 300 sit-ups without breaking a sweat.  But I didn’t start here … they call it a workout for a reason … it’s WORK!

I practiced six days a week, whether it was weight lifting, cardio or yoga.  Every day I was building muscle and gaining strength.  If I hadn’t kept up the work, I would have gone right back to where I started - out of shape.

I realized that my success was dependent upon my willingness to practice, practice, practice.

How about your corporate workout?  Just like a physical workout, your corporate workout should include strength training and plenty of practice.  

While your physical workout leads to more energy, toned muscles and overall strength, your corporate workout can lead to confidence, self awareness and success.  Why wouldn’t you want to get started today?!

Three muscles to flex in your corporate workout

1.                How to flex your public speaking muscles

  • Actively seek out opportunities to practice and grow your public speaking skills.  
  • Check out your local Toastmaster group (www.toastmasters.org) or speakers bureau.
  • Find people who do it well - and copy them!  Julian Treasure is one of my favorite TedTalks around how to speak so that people want to listen (http://bit.ly/1vOD73z).

2.                How to flex your networking muscles

  • Join an industry association.  If you’re not sure, check with your colleagues about the groups they attend and ask if you can attend as a visitor before joining.
  • If you’re already a member of a club or association … GO TO THE MEETINGS!!  Don’t sit in the back and leave the minute the gavel hits the podium.
  • Create a goal to introduce yourself to one or two new people each week.  (If you work in a small office, this could be tough, but give it a try).  

3.                How to flex your writing muscles

  • Journal every day.  Make it a point to write for 5 minutes each day (come on, you can do it!).  If you’re not sure what to write about, try this free ebook to get the ideas flowing - A Year of Blogging and Journaling Ideas by Cynthia Louden.
  • Start a blog.  Many websites provide a free option that allows you to try before you buy (www.wordpress.com).  I use Google’s Blogger (www.blogger.com) that easily links to my website.  Don’t think you have anything to say?  Simply write about things you know - food, exercise or relationships.
  • Write a fairy tale.  If none of these other options appeal to you and all else fails, write a whimsical story with yourself as the hero / heroine.

By training and strengthening your corporate body AND mind, you’ll become a force to be reckoned with!  You’ll develop skills that will create confidence, demonstrate leadership and your ability to stretch (pardon the pun) outside of your comfort zone.


Kim Black is a Certified Professional Coach that focuses on career advancement and life coaching for women.  She has more than 20 years of corporate experience and is passionate about helping her clients build their skills, achieve their goals and celebrate their successes.  She is the author of "Navigating the Corporate Jungle with Kim Black" and hosts a radio show on the Life Coach Radio Network.

Website:  www.kimblackcoaching.com

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/coachkimblack

Twitter:  @coachkimblack

Smart Career Women Can Have Sustainable Relationships

Hitting the five zero a few years back was overshadowed by a hectic work schedule which left little time for celebration. If I’m brutally honest though, with 2 marriages and single motherhood on my resume, it felt more like my life was in desperate need of an overhaul to break this unhealthy cycle. How could I get on the path to achieve real and sustained happiness in my personal relationships? 

The reality is, unfortunately, that I am just one of thousands in this situation across America. We grew up in households with parents who were ill-equipped to teach us how to form relationships and what our roles should be; they themselves muddled through with limited input from their own parents. This has resulted in a generation of co-dependent women who seem to attract imbalanced relationships, without the means or skills to dig themselves out of this dilemma.

What is really going on? 

Today’s intelligent and business-savvy women are high in “book smarts” which overcompensates for their lack of EQ (emotional intelligence quotient). In literal terms, their hearts become a magnet for the wrong type of relationship.

Michael Noer created a furor back in 2006 with his article in Forbes Magazine which suggested that men should not consider career women as marriage material. His rationale came from studies which concluded that professional women had a higher propensity to cheat and/or get divorced, and were less likely to want children. This theory was further fuelled by the American Journal of Marriage and Family, whose studies demonstrated a higher divorce risk where wives were the main bread winners. 

There is a wealth of evidence which supports the notion that successful women are incapable of sustaining meaningful relationships for a variety of reasons; these include being too controlling, lack of tolerance for a less successful partner, and the resentment from their partners for their financial success. Surely this then begs the question why is this happening and how can we stop it? 

Pride comes before a fall 

Dr. Robert Holden, author of Success Intelligence, is at the cutting edge of psychological relationship research and offers the following explanation: "To have a successful relationship, you have to have a developed EQ which is emotional empathy and a respect for each other's feelings. Women are often so headstrong that they override what their heart is feeling. Without the engagement of the head and the heart, relationships are not a safe place to be, but the smart woman is headstrong enough to tell herself that she will be able to make this work." Women have become embarrassed to admit that they take the lead in their relationships, and subsequently how this power and control has caused major damage to their relationships.  

In other words, we fall at the first hurdle because we’ve been conditioned to bypass our intuition and it gets us into trouble.  Case in point, my intuition ringing warning bells that landed me in ER for a severe panic attack before my wedding ten years ago to my second ex, only to realize with clarity that I had married the wrong man.  At the time, I kind of knew that the marriage was doomed but convinced myself that with our religious upbringings, "I" could make it work. 

How to change your Modus Operandi 

What energy vibe are you leading with when you meet a guy? 

* Do you find the signals you give are at complete odds to what you are feeling?

* I don't want you to meet my children?

* I'm seeing other men so I don't want you to get too close?

* I'm a financially self-sufficient woman who has her kids, career and only needs a man for sex? 

These vibes can be incredibly emasculating. When men respond by being detached, our emotional side kicks in and we wonder - why isn't he falling in love with me?

Let's be honest, most of us sensible girls aren’t very happy. Often we are the real victims because we just accept that any romantic situation is OK, when in reality it's not.  We have gotten used to wearing this very confident façade which is really to disguise our fear of not being in control and lack of self-acceptance. Intimacy involves a higher potential for rejection and the risk of being hurt and dealing with painful and scary situations. So, we become relationship jumpers because "there was no love there and he didn't stimulate me", "we rushed into it too quickly without knowing each other", or "he was my rebound guy". 

Getting to happy 

What advice can I give to successful career women who are often (secretly) unhappy and unsuccessful in love?   

·         Be willing to admit when you've got it wrong

·         Don't be too quick to lead with your body or looks

·         A sense of humor or succession of compliments is not a fair exchange for you or your money

·         Leave your dominance and competitiveness in the office

·         Don't love carelessly or unconsciously

·         Stop playing the victim role. Be open to embracing the joy of being a woman and having a rewarding career.

Finally, work on developing your EQ. Learn to have emotional strength that is about surrender, openness and a willingness to let go. This is absolutely essential because it determines the quality of your relationships with others. It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect other people to love you more than you love yourself.

For too long, women like me and others have failed to recognize while building our careers that integrating the emotional and intuitive side of life is just as important. Whether you are in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, the time is now to educate our young women to wake up -- use your head and intuition. Test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, and not some sentimental gush. 

Ask for help 

Fast forward to the present day and we need to honestly evaluate whether Mike’s predictions were mere ramblings or an accurate sign of things to come. Look at your circle of strong sisters, are they in happy and healthy relationships or just applying an extra coat of lipstick and giving the impression that they are “in control”?

Why wait until your next breakup or your power and control triggers surface before making a change? If you hear another “it’s complicated” excuse from a friend, have the tough conversation and have her confront her fears. In order to have a healthy relationship, you must put in the necessary effort to change your attitude about what you are really looking for and prepared to give in return. If you’re feeling lost and really don’t know where to start, stay tuned for some practical steps to gain clarity on getting to happy.

In the meantime, feel free to get in touch with any relationship questions or concerns that you may have – debrah@just4mygirls.com

Debrah Mathis, PC, ELI-MP is a highly sought-after Business, Life and Career Coach in Dallas, TX. My mission is to develop individuals, couples & families with the tools & skills needed for better work-life integration in this new economy. Connect with her on LinkedIn, Follow @EngagetoSuccess, and LIKE Engage to Success Facebook Group page.


Source: www.EngagetoSuccess.com

International Youth Development

Situation

Rod's client was a 21 year man who lived in Tirana, Albania. He had completed high school three years prior but locked into a low wage, low expectation job. He wanted to change his life and get a career as well as discover what was ‘outside’ Albania.

He felt great pressure from his family to do better. He was frustrated by the apparent impossibility to change his destiny and his frustration with life in his city.

Objectives

Rod's objectives were to empower his client to identify what his passions were. To reconnect him with those passions and help empower him to find avenues that would open the doors for him to start the changes. Ideally, to get him to believe in himself as well as see himself on a firm career tract.

Action

Rod initially identified some of his client’s key strengths, which included good spoken English and the ability to benefit from a university education.

Rod tailored six NLP based coaching sessions specifically to his client’s needs. This included a 'personal breakthrough' session to increase his client’s confidence and a session to help him understand what was really important to him both in work and life generally.

He then coached him to improve his chances of getting accepted at both college and university and how to really benefit from the opportunity this would offer. After his client won a scholarship for a first year at college, he provided a program of Skype and email support.

Result

The impact on his client’s motivation and skills was immediate resulting in winning his scholarship. After completing his first year in college, his client left for Tetovo, Turkey where he had been accepted to a university. He was living on his own at college in a foreign country and thriving on the challenge.

And so?

Eighteen months later his client worked at a major international tourist resort hotel in Turkey for a summer season and earned more in those few months than in the previous 18 months. In addition, he has now been accepted into their management training program. He has discovered himself and has provided for his family as well as himself.


For more than 30 years, Rod Beau has been an internationally sought-after education and management consultant and keynote speaker. His practical, real-world business experience and career have been in educational leadership, relocation consulting and executive and leadership coaching. As a Senior Consultant and Master Executive Coach, Rod is also an Accredited ANLP Trainer - specializing in Executive and Leadership Coaching. To learn more about Rod Beau, please visit www.sherpanlp.com

Source: www.sherpanlp.com

6 Sure-Fire Career Boosters

I chose the niche of career coaching because I am passionate about helping people find a path that is rewarding, fun and lucrative. My commitment stems from personal experience. My career path was forged by taking risks, following my heart, and not being afraid to color outside the lines.  I have a degree in information systems, and have worked as an interior decorator, a nonprofit fundraiser, and now a career and life coach.  I know a bit about demanding bosses, getting promoted, and knowing when to leave – including reinventing myself more than once.  This is why I am focusing more of my energy on helping others navigate the sometimes challenging waters of the workplace and exploring “what’s next” – including entrepreneurship.  Critical to all of this is knowing how to listen to your inner voice, and trusting yourself.

First, let’s work on gaining some forward momentum – no matter what your path: 

1.    Get out of neutral.  Sometimes we’ve stayed too long at our current workplace, and it shows. The excitement is gone, and we are doing that dreaded countdown from Monday through Friday.  If (and ONLY if) you value your workplace, and are invested in staying there, make a conscious decision to “bloom where you’re planted”.  Actively engage your manager about ways to improve your job performance, learn a new skill or take on more responsibility. Speak up in meetings.

2.    Learn how to self-promote (without being obnoxious).  There is some truth to the adage “nice guys/girls finish last”.  The workplace is nothing if not competitive. And unfortunately just “doing a good job” will not necessarily get you noticed or promoted.  It may make you a valuable member of the team. You’ll be known for being dependable and reliable – but perhaps taken for granted.  Learn how to toot your own horn. Make suggestions and share good ideas. Become your own PR agent.

3.    Dress for success.  Appearances DO matter. If you come to work wrinkled and disheveled, people may not take you as seriously. It is sometimes said that you should dress the part of your next job. In my opinion, it’s not a bad policy. Take yourself seriously, and others will too.  You don't have to spend thousands on a designer wardrobe. But a nice quality suit with a variety of tops or shirt and tie combos can go a long way.  If your workplace is not so formal, you can buy some strategic pieces to mix and match without breaking the budget.

4.    Get a mentor. We are all connected, and it’s important to seek guidance from people who’ve been there.  A mentor can help you navigate the tough spots and develop strategies for advancement. S/he can be an invaluable resource for networking and job search.  Think about an expert in your field with whom you can cultivate a closer relationship.  It can be someone you know already, or you can pick someone who you’d like to learn from and reach out to him or her.

5.    Know when it’s time to go. Sometimes it’s just TIME TO GO. Period. There may have been a leadership or political sea change at your workplace, or you are dealing with a difficult boss who is either intimidated by you, a micro-manager, or who just doesn’t like you for some reason or other.  Or, as I mentioned before, you are just not into it anymore. Maybe you’ve hit a ceiling and there is no room for advancement.  And of course, there is the option of entrepreneurship. Do you have a window of opportunity to follow your dream and hang out your own shingle? Be sure you have a good strategy for a strong start, but if you’re ready, go for it!

6.    Take risks. Nobody got anywhere playing it safe.  Well that’s not entirely true.  People who play it safe are able to hold on to jobs for a very long time – and that’s great. If you want to be promoted, advance, lead, or make more money – it may not be the best strategy.  Be willing to speak your mind, to disagree with your boss, to suggest a new idea that might help your organization succeed.  If a position opens up at your workplace (or elsewhere) that you’re interested in, go for it.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained! 

 As always, here’s to you – and to your truth. My prayer  for you is a fun, balanced and fulfilling life. 

Until next time… Trina  


Trina Ramsey is a career and life coach, specializing in personal transformation and career transition. With 20 years of experience in business and management, Trina is a "people person" and a change agent. Trina started her business, Perspectives Plus Coaching in 2009 after spending 15 years as a nonprofit fundraiser and experience running her own interior decorating business. For more on Trina visit trinaramsey.com. @PerspectivePlus  or https://www.facebook.com/CareerTalkWithCoachTrina