Don’t Say, “I don’t know”… You’re Better Than That!

The first time I’d heard “What’s the difference between ignorance and stupidity?” and then the answer/punch line “I don’t know and I don’t care” was in a movie many years ago. In the movie everyone listening to the person who delivered the punch line began to laugh in a pompous manner. As if their intellect was superior and therefore couldn’t possibly fall into the category of being either ignorant or stupid. 

When I am in a coaching session with someone, I have a rule that anyone over the age of twelve is not allowed to say “I don’t know” when I ask them a question about why they took a specific action or how they feel about something. I explain that after the age of twelve with all of the growing and learning we have done up to that point, we should all know and or have already formulated our own thought processes of what motivates, drives, frightens, and makes up happy. We should all know the reasons behind the actions we take, the things we pursue, the love we feel, what angers us, why we feel frustration, or why we experience emotional pain.

When someone asks you “Why did you do that?” and you reply “I don’t know” it is not an accurate statement and it is definitely not a statement I allow. I think we all know why we’ve done what we’ve done or why we do what we do. We all know what has caused us to take a certain action. Now not wanting to admit it because of guilt, or shame, or fear of reprisal, is still you knowing why you took an action. You now just have other motivations for not wanting to admit it. 

Saying “I don’t know, I will think about it,” is very intelligent because now you are giving conscious thought to something you don’t know. And now you will think about it in order to come to an intelligent conclusion. It could apply to a piece of artwork, a mathematical equation, the breed of a horse, or simply the capital city of a state/country, etc. You are saying to someone that you don’t know the answer, and that you will look it up and come up with an answer to replace the first comment you made of “I don’t know.” It is about being conscious, being aware, and being smart in your own life. Sometimes to formulate the correct answer, the question you ask yourself after “I don’t know” needs to be deeper in order to come to an intelligent answer. 

At times, this doesn’t necessarily always apply easily to your actions or your feelings. Sometimes, the “I don’t know” rolls off of your tongue easily because you are not sure if what you are feeling is right. You know what you’re feeling and you know why you took an action, but you are unsure of whether the feeling is right or the action you took is right. That has to do with “owning” it. Own what you’ve done. Own the feelings that led up to your action and own the feelings the action created. Let’s own what we do. If we’ve done it, it belongs to us and we need to own it and figure it out. Think about what you do, how you feel, who you are, and why you do what you do. What is it that motivates you? What drives you to an action? Why are certain things driving you to the good/bad action you are taking? You should always know the “Why?” 

“I don’t know” should always be followed with “I will think about it” and then should be followed through with the deep conscious contemplation that will bring you to the answer of what you didn’t know. Be smart in your own life.

Peace and Love to the Universe!


Monica Ortiz is a successful Life Coach, Author, and Speaker whose award-winning work has touched thousands of lives over her 20-year career. Her debut book in 2013 received over 100 five-star reviews and critical acclaim, and has led to speaking invitations at leading institutions such as Stanford University on topics ranging from Success in Your Career and Relationships to Shifting Your Energy to Shape Your Reality. She is founder of The Universe Series, a professional organization bringing the tools she teaches to millions of people around the globe. To learn more, visit www.theuniverseseries.com

Source: www.theuniverseseries.com

Tweak Your Speak

I was going to title this "Tweaking Your Speak" but "Tweak Your Speak" rhymes so that's what I stayed with.

One of the many things I've learned over the years from working with so many people on so many levels and doing lectures is that everyone understands things differently, which means they also have different speech patterns, methods of speaking, and different mannerisms while speaking.

The bottom line is we all feed and digest information differently. This quite often leads to miscommunication and hurt feelings across the board.

The Fix:

Tweak Your Speak

While communicating, listen intently, ask questions, listen to the explanation, and ask a question about the explanation if you need to. Reply "Just to make sure we are on the same page", "This is what you mean", or "This is what we're doing." While communicating, it is also important when speaking to acknowledge the person who is listening by asking questions to ensure they are understanding you. Both parties communicating have a shared responsibility in the communication they are having.

Never assume anything while communicating. We enter into legal agreements, peace treaties, property ownership transfers, etc. through purposeful mediation, a great deal of verbal communication, and finally written word so there is full understanding of expectations on all parties and terms. Therefore, there is no miscommunication. Remember, the words you use are powerful and can inflect love, pain, happiness, joy, sadness, a state of confusion, understanding, peace, turmoil, and respect. So why not speak carefully, with intent, and with purpose.

Remember, mannerisms say a lot. If you are aggressive in your body language, even speaking kind words can be construed as harsh. When you are speaking about a positive event happening in your life and you put an "it might work out, it might not" spin on it (I have witnessed this method of communication countless times), it will not be understood as the positive event or news you are hoping for and/or not even as important as you feel it is, so when the people around you aren't congratulating you, you shouldn't become disappointed or upset with them, instead evaluate your speak. How could you have gotten the people around you to understand the importance of what is happening in your life?

This may seem like a lot of work, but if you think about it, how much work is it to fix things, feelings, relationships, that have gone awry because of miscommunication.

Take a moment, breathe, and reevaluate the way you speak, the way you listen, and the way you and the people around you are communicating. Make sure it is effective communication. Life becomes much simpler when everyone is understanding communication.

Peace and Love to the Universe!!!


Monica Ortiz is a successful Life Coach, Author, and Speaker whose award-winning work has touched thousands of lives over her 20-year career. Her debut book in 2013 received over 100 five-star reviews and critical acclaim, and has led to speaking invitations at leading institutions such as Stanford University on topics ranging from Success in Your Career and Relationships to Shifting Your Energy to Shape Your Reality. She is founder of The Universe Series, a professional organization bringing the tools she teaches to millions of people around the globe. To learn more, visit www.theuniverseseries.com