How Do You Overcome Being Hurt By Others?

This came out of a conversation I had with my 10 year old. I asked her what she thinks about when someone hurts her and her response was 'I wonder why they hate me'. Of course, I recognized the teachable moment immediately! Here are some nuggets from our conversation...

1. Remember everyone does the best they can in a given moment. We're all human. We don't always make the best decisions. What you may think is a bad decision may seem right to someone else. Try to be understanding and see things from their perspective and do your best not to judge. We'll never know what someone elses intentions are or why they do certain things because we've never walked in their shoes. If you find yourself judging others, don't judge yourself! Notice the thought and let it go. Just being aware of it and making a conscious decision not to judge, minimizes your chance of slipping into that behavior. What I like to do is notice the thought, let it go and then bless that person and send them positive thoughts/energy.

2. Every person and encounter happens for a reason. Ask yourself, what can you learn from this, even though it hurts. What may be the reason that this happened. How can I do better or help others as I learn from this?

3. How important is this in the grand scheme of things? Often when we get hurt by people, it feels like that's all we can focus on but when we take a minute to reflect, it's often not something that's going to have a big impact in the long term (unless we let it). We can choose to reframe it and learn from it so we can let go of the hurt and pain.

4. Forgiveness. This is a tough one. Sometimes people consistently hurt us and others, and we don't understand it. What we need to remember is hurt people, hurt people. Try to have compassion for others. It's also important to recognize when a relationship is toxic and it's best to cut ties rather than constantly forgiving and ending up in the same cycle (that's another discussion, for another time).

5. Being vulnerable. If the relationship is important to you, talk to the person about how their words or behavior makes you feel (not about what they're doing wrong). They may not even be aware of it. A great deal of healing takes place when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. This is also how we strengthen relationships and build trust.

6. Don’t take it personally. Easier said than done, I know. Often when someone hurts us, it's a reaction they choose to have, whether the intention is good or bad. We have a choice in how we interpret it and how we let it affect us. Remember, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. We can either choose to let these moments shape us or break us. What will you choose?

If this is an area you struggle with, I would love to speak with you to see how I can help. You can book a FREE strategy session with me by using this link: http://www.bookedin.net/life-and-leadership-coaching-for-women

Have an amazing, blessed day!


Sharissa is a life and leadership coach for women, specializing in the areas of career transition and advancement as well as work/life balance. She is a speaker, writer, radio talk show host, co-owner of Stop.Smile.Breathe. Women's Retreats, and serves on the Board of Directors of a non-profit organization called Empowering Women as Leaders.

She has held leadership positions in the technology field at Fortune 500 companies, the federal government and multinational companies, among others, for over 12 years. She enjoyed coaching and mentoring throughout her career and decided to start a business based on her passion for helping women.

The mission of her business is to help women live a well-balanced life of purpose, joy and fulfillment where they’re thriving and not just surviving.

www.sharissasebastian.com         

info@sharissasebastian.com

 

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Where Is The Love?

These words are from the song, "Where is the Love", by the Black Eyed Peas. Very fitting indeed... 

A lot is going on in our world right now. We are becoming more and more divided, and less and less tolerant of one another. And people are dying at the hands of those who should be protecting them. Nations are turning against nations, and friends and family members are at odds about the “right way” to handle things. And social media and traditional media is whipping us up into a frenzy.  It’s nuts.  And it doesn’t have to be. 

I am one of those people that can sometimes annoy others with my optimism. I find a way to look on the bright side or lend an encouraging word. But to be honest, I am struggling right now.  And while I’m trying to stay informed, I am avoiding those talking head shows like the plague – because the producers inevitably pit people with vastly opposing views against one another and they slug it out with words – analyzing and replaying what has happened when the truth is – we have to move FORWARD from here.  

Today I’m going to contrast two emotions:  Fear vs. Love.

FEAR

Fear breeds mistrust and distances people. I see you as my enemy instead of my potential ally.  I am in a “fight or flight” posture, and when things get heated, I will fight (or shoot) first and ask questions later.  Every man (or woman) for him/herself.  This is a lonely, disempowered and diminished existence. 

LOVE

Love promotes openness and understanding.  I see you first and foremost as another human being.  I trust you first, and assume the best. And when we disagree, I work with you to find a place of mutual understanding so that we can move forward.  This is a much more empowered stance, and tends to help people to move forward and seek unity.

Here’s the thing:  We will NEED TO WORK TOGETHER to get to the other side of this. And we will need to learn how to see the commonalities in one another instead of the difference.  As Steven Covey states, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”.  United we stand, divided we fall… all that good stuff.  The problems of our nation and our world are so huge that it can be difficult to imagine workable solutions. But look to South Africa where apartheid was the norm until a different way was imagined, and until the collective will of the people set things in motion to create lasting change in that country.  Look to Germany, where world leaders got to the point of tearing down a wall that divided the country for many years. Real change can happen, but we must be open to it. We must first put our fears aside and open ourselves up to love.

10 DAY KINDNESS CHALLENGE

It’s the holiday season, where people find ways to be more generous, loving and caring.  I am issuing this challenge to you, and invite you to pay it forward.  While you are going about your day to day life, take the 10 Day Kindness Challenge.  Each day, do something nice for another person. It can be a stretch… like buying something significant for a family in need, or providing a homeless person with a meal (instead of spare change), or a recent trend to give a 100% tip (how cool is that). Or it can be simple. Pay a compliment. Smile. Initiate conversation with a co-worker that you were at odds with. Forgive a family member who wronged you.  And once you take on the challenge – pay it forward. Invite 2 or 3 people to do the same.  If you want to share on social media feel free. Or do it in a smaller, more anonymous way. But let’s do something good. 

SPREAD THE LOVE AND WATCH IT GROW….

In love and peace, 

Trina


Trina Ramsey is a career and life coach, specializing in personal transformation and career transition. With 20 years of experience in business and management, Trina is a "people person" and a change agent. Trina started her business, Perspectives Plus Coaching in 2009 after spending 15 years as a nonprofit fundraiser and experience running her own interior decorating business. For more on Trina visit trinaramsey.com. @PerspectivePlus  or https://www.facebook.com/CareerTalkWithCoachTrina

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